What I’ve learned is that’s exactly what I needed. I needed to learn the vulnerability of talking about those areas of brokenness and need in my life. For me, that’s where healing started. Instead of avoiding that stuff, I needed to be with it, sit with it, have conversations about it. But it took me a while to get there. I will say this, once I got to the place where I felt like healing had really taken over my life, that resistance to the conversation really broke down in me. Not that I was excited to talk about my affair, but I realized that that was something that was necessary for my children, for my wife and so it changed.

When in reality the affair lasted two years and they had sex 44 times

Another possible reason for not wanting to talk about things is that the unfaithful may be trying to fight for the marriage and there may be things – especially details – that they don’t want to discuss for fear of hurting their spouse even further. Some of the details are going to be hurtful so they’d rather just keep quiet about it – not even lie about it because they don’t want to cause any more pain. The weird thing about that is that the unfaithful have to be willing to be honest so that the betrayed can forgive and learn to trust them again. But that typically doesn’t make any sense in the cheater’s mind at the time.

Many cheaters also don’t want to talk about the affair and “just move on” because they probably haven’t been very truthful up until that point.

So, talking more about things could bring up more of what they’ve been lying about. They’re thinking, “I’ve confessed some things and for now, my spouse has accepted it, so the more I talk about it, the greater amount of lies I have to remember, and that’s going to be difficult.” So sometimes that’s why the unfaithful don’t want to talk about it.