Know what you want.

Before having the conversation, and regardless of what happens during it, Sanders recommends you go in knowing what you want out of it-whether it’s proof, answers, saying your piece, breaking up, or going to couples’ therapy for a resolution. “Don’t confront without a plan, or the conversation is going to go on forever,” she adds. “Do what gives you closure. They made their choice, and you’re free to make yours too.”

If you had the conversation with your boyfriend and found out he wasn’t being unfaithful, this might be the opportunity to look inward. If he wasn’t cheating, that doesn’t mean that everything is magically better and that your emotional state will go back to normal. Your concern about this indicates there are issues in the relationship that need to be addressed, which could be attributed to their distant or changing behavior or one of your insecurities.

“If you’ve already done all the digging possible and you find absolutely nothing to indicate that your partner is cheating but can’t shake the idea that they are, it may be something that you need to work on on your own,” Sanders says.

“Sometimes we carry betrayal trauma and attachment trauma into our romantic relationships. It’s very human of you, and it’s OK, but you have to heal that trauma in order for it not to taint and cloud your relationships,” she says. “Finding a good counselor who specializes in attachment, emotionally focused therapy, or internal family systems can help you do exactly that.”

What do you do when you suspect your boyfriend is cheating?

If you suspect your partner is cheating on you, it’s important to inspect your own internal biases and begin taking an inventory of their behavior.